Letter to Moses

Hi Moses,

How are you doing in heaven? I am sure you are getting lots of rest. I sent you a prayer on Christmas. Did you get it?

Guess what - Sebastian offered to go to Haysali for us. I know, I know... He is not as experienced or dedicated as you were, but he was the best I could find since he used to work with you and is familar with the same techniques. I hope you understand.He finally made a trip in early December. Did you know this already? I heard that words travel fast in heaven. I waited 6 weeks for his trip report. I guess Peter was keeping him busy at work. Peter also took the disposable cameras I sent there for our project so I don't have any pictures to share with you right now. Sebastian was able to visit half of our farmers in their fields. I was so happy to learn that they are doing a, not perfect, but impressive job. I know we have to thank you for that. You had done a wonderful job training them even though it was very challenging at the beginning as they had very little education in this area. Thank you so much for delivering the vegetable seeds to them on your last trip.

I also heard from another friend in Tanzania that it has been raining a lot. That must have been good for the farmers. I remember how bad the draught was the same time last year when I was there to start the project. I probably won't ask Sebastian to go again. It takes someone very special for a challenging task like this. Also, it's close to harvest so the farmers would probably be too busy for the training at the moment.

Please tell your brother that I am taking care of the tuition for his children now that you are not around to do that for them. Naomi already gave them some money for the uniforms and textbooks. She has money for the next few semesters and will give them more as needed.We miss you a lot and hope you are doing well. No more cycling, ok?

Moving On

Tanzania is one of the poorest countries in the world. It is uncommon for people to have to borrow money occasionally just to get by. Most likely, Moses had to do so as well, as he was taking care of his relatives financially. The local custom is that the lenders come forward 2 days after the funeral to make the issues known so the old debts can be settled. Some of the people Moses worked with are getting together next week to figure out what else can be done to help his family. I am waiting to find out how I can help.

Meanwhile, I am starting to do some research about a project for Chiapas, Mexico. Chiapas has a large indigenous population and is one of the poorest states in Mexico. Nadine is putting together a proposal to help raise money to build a midwife school there. Because the school is accredited by the Mexican government, the graduates will be eligible for jobs at public agencies or non-profit organizations such as United Nations. Better paying jobs mean a better chance of preserving such culture. I hope to interview some of the students at another midwife school in Guadalajara to understand their challenges at school and back home. Many of them are from Chiapas. I am always fascinated by Mayan culture so I am really looking forward to being more involved with the project.

Remembering Moses

Moses would have been pleased.

He was buried last Tuesday. Many farmers from the surrounding towns came to his funeral. He worked for a small, Arusha-based NGO during the week. Through his training programs, he touched many lives. He was well liked by the farmers as he was always very patient with them during training and Q&A. I also notified the farmers in our weekend program, who live 5 hours away from Arusha, of his death. Most of the farmers in our program are broke and don’t even have any money to pay for seeds. I was moved when I heard about their plan to visit Moses’ family and collect a few coins to pay their tribute. His boss was devastated. He had reached out to his family and provided a lot of help with the funeral and the transport of Moses’ body.

Moses was probably about 5’ 2” and weighted no more than 90 or 100 pounds. I went on a field trip with his boss to see their work. That’s how I met Moses. He didn’t talk very much. I thought, initially, that he was just like other Tanzanians I know who were afraid to speak to their bosses.

Many of the Tanzanians I met were friendly but reserved. Moses was different. He spoke his mind which was one of the things that I liked about him. But he thought that’s why his boss was not fond of him.

When I first told him about my plan to help the farmers in the remote areas where few non-profit organizations would go, he was very excited. He had a good heart.

During our first trip to the village I was interested in, he came down with typhoid. Not only he showed up on time which is a rarity in TZ, but he declined my offer to cancel the trip. I had no clue what it was like to have typhoid. I learned later on that it made you feel very ill.

With him, I revisited a family I met from previous trip and found out that they were completely out of food and were eating leaves. I couldn’t hold back my tears when I learned that the grandfather had passed away. I saw Moses wiping his nose, and I knew he was crying, too.

Sometimes he got tired of traveling such a long distance to the village for training and would complain about it to me. But as soon as he found out that the farmers were frustrated with the new techniques, he rushed back to help them through the learning process. He was always more concerned about other people. And I was preoccupied with farmers’ food supply problems, and overlooked his challenges. It’s something that I would always regret.

At the funeral, we found out that he had been helping the children of his deceased brother with school tuitions and living expenses. Many Tanzanians would have used that to get sympathy and handout from foreign aid workers. He never mentioned it to any of us.

He once told me that he had problems getting dates so we would do role play and I would give him suggestions on how to get phone numbers from girls. It was one of the few light-hearted moments that we had. He was always striving for love and recognition. I wish he had known how much all of us respected him.

He would have been pleased.

Seeds of Hope

Moses usually would go to the village every other week, but this time he decided to go back right after the last visit in order to deliver the vegetable seeds that the farmers had been waiting for. He never made it home.

When I got the news the next day, I couldn’t believe it. I called Naomi to see if Moses actually went to the village over the weekend. He never confirmed the trip with me so I was still hoping that it was a mistake. By then, his body was already getting ready to be shipped back to Arusha. Naomi said they covered up the incident so that his boss wouldn’t find out about his involvement in our project. I think Moses would have preferred it this way. His boss didn't believe in the project - Everyone except his boss. So all along we, Naomi, Jerome, Sebastian, Joyce and I, conspired to keep it a secret and cover for him whenever necessary. Several times I offered to talk to his boss about it, but he declined. He was a hard-working man and didn’t want his boss to think any less of him if he had found out that he was helping others on the weekends.

Moses fell off the motorcycle as he was leaving the village. There were no external injuries so he didn’t think much about it. He started to feel sick after he got back in the hotel. He tried to contact the local agriculture officer that we befriended with but couldn’t get hold of him until late at night. The closest hospital was 90 km away. It took hours to get there on the unpaved road and delayed the treatment. The doctor tried to operate on him but failed to save his life.

I asked Naomi to help make sure that his funeral is set up and the rescue expenses are paid for. We helped buy a piece of land for his burial.

On my way to see some friends, a guy stopped our bus in the middle of the intersection because the drive wouldn’t let him on. Through the front window, he seemed to challenge the driver to run over him. People here take life for granted because survival is easy and deaths are rare. I wish Moses was given that opportunity as I tried to hold back my tears.

This is a great loss for all of us, especially for the farmers. This probably means the end of our project as Moses is irreplaceable. It’s very hard to get anyone to work in the rural villages. If things had gone as planned, the farmers should have received the vegetable seeds from Moses during the final meeting. Although he is no longer with us, he had left the farmers with the hope for a better life and harvest giving them seeds and techniques that they would not have otherwise had.

Words cannot describe my regrets and sadness. I never thought the project could come to such a tragic end. I hope he is in a better place now, free of diseases and crooks who pick on him. I hope he is in a place where he finds peace and happiness – a place where he is in control of his own destiny.

I will always remember you.

We Are Ready!

When George came back from the village the other week, he told Moses about farmers’ complaints. That prompted Moses to go back there the following week to see what was going on.

Moses planted some vegetables last time when he was doing the demonstration of double digging with compost so he went there first to check it out. The vegetables were doing quite well even though he only used low-quality seeds that were available there. He decided to visit some farmers in the farthest areas to get to the bottom of it. Farmers used the compost that they had built up for the last 2 or 3 months to make double dug beds as Moses taught them. The treasurer of the group made a 2-meter bed and even put in his own seeds. The results were excellent! Some farmers couldn’t afford to buy seeds but made small beds anyway.

The complaints had to do with the large amount of manure required to build the compost and beds as it’s a valuable resource for the farmers during the farming season. Knowing how skinny their animals are and how scattered they are, I imagine that the manure is even more precious to the farmers here than those in the cities. Since many of them have not planted anything in the double dug beds, they couldn’t see the pay-off of such efforts, and they started to have doubts about the techniques.

But when they saw the results in the demo area and heard the good results from other farmers, they were finally convinced that it’s a worthwhile initiative. Moses promised to bring superior-quality vegetable seeds for the farmers as we move into the next phase.

We have finally reached the critical turning point. The future seems to be a little brighter for the farmers today. And I wish I was there to see it.

Roller Coaster

I had been through some ups and downs this week. Earlier this week, I called Moses before I went to work and found out that for the second time in a month, he skipped the trip to the village. I felt so let down. The farmers must have been so disppointed. They are in the process of doing double digging farming as Moses taught them, and are probably anxious for him to check out their work and help them get it right.

When I got on the Muni, I was still preoccupied by the conversation with Moses. I was so frustrated, and I wondered how I was going to help farmers make any progress this year.

"What's wrong with these people?! " Still fuming with Moses' recent absentism and poor commitment/communications.

"He didn't keep up his work and didn't even bother to let me know!" I was angry, "I just don't get them!"

"What am I going to do now?" I pondered the next step. "Does that mean I have to give up on the project?" I asked myself. I felt that I was running out of options.

"What else can I do to make this happen?" I looked out the window and was deflated.

All of the sudden a man on the bus wailed, "Oh, Melissa! I love you. Pleeese, Melissa..... I need you!"

I realized that he was talking to someone else on the cell phone. The bus full of people were listening in. Well, I guess the people in San Francisco aren't exactly ordinary, either. I was glad that it took my mind off the problems with the project for a short while.

This morning, I got hold of George. He confirmed that he had gone to the village last weekend alone. He arrived late (Why are they always late knowing the amount of work that needed to be done?!) but managed to vaccinate 80 pigs. That would have been a big achievement except that he vaccinated the pigs irregardless of the families' participation in our training program. Not that I want to discriminate against the people who do not participate in our group, but that prevented him from vaccinate the pigs owned by many of the members of our group due to time constraint. The idea was to encourage farmers to attend training regularly and reward their attendance with vaccination services. The inconsistency is going to create problems and inequality within the group. I just hope that I didn't create more problems than I helped solve. If Moses had gone with George, we could have prevented this. On one hand, I was grateful that I could get George to go back again and vaccinate so many pigs even though the villagers are so scattered. One the other hand, I am starting to worry about the looming "public relations" crisis with our group.

Farmers expressed their longing for Moses to return so they could get some help with the new techniques that they are trying out for the first time. I decided to give Moses another call. To my surprise, I caught him on the bus coming back Mbulu. I was so excited. He must have changed his mind. I was dying to hear about his trip, but the reception was bad.

There is hope again!

No-Show

Hello, are you there?" "Hello?" "Hello??" If you think your cell phone connection is bad, try calling Tanzania. Or try getting the people there to act.

Doing a project in Tanzania can be awfully frustrating, and rewarding, at the same time. Because the frustration/challenge is so great that any little success feels like a monumental breakthrough.

I found out after fact that no one from the team went to the village as planned. And none of them volunteered the information, except Moses who told me that he couldn't make it 2 days before the scheduled trip. I had to drag the information out of them after several emails and attempts to call them.

When I first started the project, I was hoping to find locals who would identify with the cause and be willing to volunteer their time and expertise to help their own people. No one was willing to do it for free so I ended up having to haggle over fees that were sometimes inflated. In an effort to bring down the fees, I once had to tell one of them that I was the only one on the team that was not being paid, the only one who did not have a job (because I quit my job to do the project) and the only one on the team who is not Tanzanian even though the project was all about helping the poor farmers in Tanzania. I wanted people to join for the right reason knowing that I don't have the deep pockets of many NGOs.

I am still grateful that they decided to join the effort on their free time for a fee. I can’t expect everyone to feel the same way I do. Juggling 2 jobs is not easy so I understand that sometimes they just can’t make the trip. I just wish the attitude wasn’t so laid back. Maybe I am just too worried about disappointing the farmers with a no-show. Maybe I have a false sense that I am racing against time. There is only 1 farming season in the mountains, as opposed to 2 in the city. I am concerned that if we don’t train them and qualify them for new seeds early in the only farming season of the year, the farmers will not be able to see any increase in yield this year and will end up in the same situation that I found them in at the beginning of this year – food deprivation. I can't help the farmers unless the Tanzanians partner/experts help me.

When Stephen Lewis blasted South Africa government for its inertia in fighting AIDS, I could feel his pain. Do you help another country when they didn’t ask for help and were not as concerned about the problem? What would you do if people only wanted to be helped instead of being empowered? Do you try to change a “let it be” culture or do you accept it out of respect?